Backslap – Issue 411


Our two favourite spoofs were the electric shaver attachment that fastens to a mobile phone from gadget website and The Register’s gory tale of the sociology teacher “whose head was actually caused to explode by a combination of Wi-Fi transmissions, deadly mobile phone radiation from pupils texting in class, and emissions from a nearby TETRA mast.”

Reported the wags from El Reg: “Medical ethics investigators are now probing the fatal head blast brainsplatter incident at Greater Furtling comprehensive school in the leafy Cotswold commuter village of Twitchen Magna.”

“It appears a mobile phone video of the detonating pedagogue was uploaded to YouTube in near real time, furnishing a wealth of graphic, if disturbing, evidence. In the interests of good taste the Reg has refrained from linking to the vid. Also, it has been taken down.”

From iwantone of we learned “Unsightly hirsuteness is a thing of the past thanks to the astonishing Multi-Blade Polo Frail Mobile Shaver Attachment. With six cutting-edge blades you’re guaranteed a shave so close you’ll feel you’ve been exfoliated.

The first blade shaves you close, the second closer, and the others do more or less the same with varying degrees of closeness. The attachment fits on any mobile and is activated by the vibra-call function. All you have to do is get someone to call you relentlessly to ensure a clean and smooth finish”.

Laugh? We nearly bought a round.

Japanese bathe in mobile glory

Will phones replace rubber duckies at bath time?

A recent survey by video game maker Sega shows 41.2 per cent of Japanese people have at least once taken their mobile to the bathtub to make calls, email, listen to music or play games.

The survey will come as no surprise to Japanese mobile makers, some of which advertise their handsets are safe for the bath.

Japan has one of the world’s most advanced mobile networks, with nearly 85 per cent of users carrying 3G devices.

The winner is…

We had plenty of responses to our caption competition.

Conor Maguire, The Communication Store: “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to remove the SIM yourself.” Peter Jarmain, O2 Middlesborough: “I bet you’ve ran up another big bill.” Gary Wild, Carphone Warehouse, Hereford: “In case of emergency, dial 000.”

Graham Sedgley, Peplow Recruitment: “Scientists try to disprove phone/cancer link.” Lakis Kazakos, O2 Barnet: “Please talk clearly into the mic.” Michael Hughes: “You may not get through, but just dial as many zeros as you can handle.”

But the winner of the Bubbly is Geoff Wilkins with: “My love life is just a big fat zero.”

Close, but no mobile in Cuba

The Cuban Mobile Crisis may be ending as a ban on owning mobiles may soon be lifted. With Fidel on his last legs, a liberalisation of the laws is on the cards.

The good news is the plebs will be able to buy prepay phones; but only if they pay with foreign currency.

So, there’s no point in Carphone taking out office space in downtown Havana just yet.

Feeling Blue? It’s time to get over it

Amazing news from O2 (coincidentally matching the launch of its Bluebook backup service) reveals millions of people are living a desolate life of loneliness after losing their mobile.

With admirable understatement, O2’s press release screams, “Five million Brits fear their true love is lost on a missing mobile”.

How many of these five million now realise if the ‘one true love’ hasn’t called back, they weren’t so true in the first place?

Highly artistic? Are you (fone)sure?

hey’ve heard some wild stories at mobile insurer fonesure, but the following tale is currently top of their pops.

A customer notified fonesure her phone had stopped working after she’d dropped it in the bath. She asked if the repair centre could access the pictures she’d taken with it. fonesure informed her it wasn’t possible to save data after liquid damage. A relief, as the client had taken some, “highly artistic but intimate pictures of herself”.

“They were of a very personal nature and I would not want my mother to get a shock should she open the parcel when it’s returned,” she wrote. Fonesure paid the claim.