Much to the Iron Man’s consternation the computer said ‘no’, followed by much mumbling about insufficient credit limits. In an ideal world Simon would have merely flourished a Black Amex Centurian.

Real life being the sod it is, he was all out of plastic. A minion saved the day with another card. To his credit (ho, ho), Ainslie laughed the matter off. To see who drank Nokia’s bar bill scoot over to

Truck flattens battery

Where there’s a mobile phone battery there’s a most excellent scare story. Such as the amazing tale that has been flashing around the ‘net that a Korean quarry worker had been killed by the battery on his LG phone. The rogue cell reportedly exploded in his shirt pocket and left him stone dead.

Well that was what the star witness, a fellow quarry worker told the authorities. Cue a world-wide scare into the lethality of killer phone batteries.

The truth was more mundane.

The dead bloke was not done in by an exploding battery but by dangerous driving. He had actually been run over by a truck driven by his mate. The careless driver finally confessed saying: ‘All this happened in a moment, and I was too afraid about the accident. So I lied
that the battery exploded and killed him”.

3 party guests arrive at Aldwych via the USA

3 recently held a Christmas soiree at the Cellar Door in Aldwych. It was surprising so many people found the place. Especially as the Google Map link thoughtfully provided with the invitation revealed a map of the USA. We were about to board a Delta Airlines 747 to New York when we realised the mistake.

These fuelish things

JAG MD John George has been ‘got at’ by the ecolentilist tree hugging lobby. The brainwashing is so complete he is now fretting that Liquid Petroleum Gas prices are scuppering his best Green enviro-intentions.

Says JAG’s press release of the year: “More than half of the cars currently in JAG’s fleet are fuelled by LPG. But JAG is finding the cost of the fuel prohibitively high, and is investigating other renewable fuels for use in its fleet”

‘JAG is committed to the environment and has various strategies in place to reduce its carbon footprint. LPG may be cleaner than a lot of other available fuels; it’s just too expensive to continue running our vehicles on it.”

Will Johnny ‘Green’ now be fuelling his gas guzzling racing cars and private plane with cooking oil?

Jonah and his new baby wail

There’s one old industry reprobate still wandering around with plenty of lead in his pencil. So, well done to Chris ‘Jonah’, Jones for becoming a Dad for the fifth time with partner Caroline.

CJ who has served time at Nokia, 20:20, and Cellular Solutions, excitedly texted his fan base: “Caroline delivered a beautiful baby girl – Arabella, in the early hours of Saturday morning. This now brings the total to five more Joneses”.

So that’s where the expression ‘keeping up with the Joneses” came from.

Yet another explosive battery story …

More hilarious exploding battery nonsense. This time from the Land of the Choking Rugby Team. In New Zealand Nokia is investigating why an Auckland man’s phone ‘blew up’ while it was being recharged.

The handset left carpet burns and turned the phone to shrapnel. Back Slap detects the evidence of a cheapo imitation back-street job. Folks, let’s keep an eye out for those authenticating holograms before we buy.

A gratuitous Awards plug

Recession? What recession? The 2008 Mobile News Awards tables are selling so fast you’d think no-one had heard the words “Sub”, “Prime”, “Northern” and “Rock”.

Tables are literally flying out the door. OK, not ‘literally’ flying. That would be an impossibility. Everyone knows tables are not possessed of any efficient aerodynamic properties (get on with it … Ed).

Anyway, more than half the available tickets and tables have already been sold for the Awards dinner-dance on March 13 at the Hilton on Park Lane. Get your table orders in now (call 0207 324 3509). Or it may be you literally flying out the door when the boss finds out he’s going to miss the Big Night Out (did you see what we did there?)