The London Evening Standard’s telecoms hack, Alan Hall, writes of “an orgy of Nokia handset-smashing in the streets of Bochum”.

Hang on. We’re hardly talking downtown Kabul here. Are we to believe mobs of Bochumites are rampaging down the strasses slaughtering any N95 or N82 that gets in their way? And what if it all goes pear-shaped in Transylvania? Will the heads of N73s adorn spikes along the torch-lit avenues of Cluj-Napoca? The only smashing show here is the “orgy of creative writing” at the Standard.

Planes, trains, more planes and a skiing trip

A 17-hour trip from London to a ski resort near Lyon must have played out like a bad dream for the 35 industry representatives Nokia took to its strategy conference/skiing jolly on January 17.

With bags checked in, the group was relaxing in the

British Airways lounge at Heathrow, patiently awaiting boarding time, when, lo and behold, the infamous flight 038 from China crash landed short of a runway (interesting coincidence of the day – of the 138 people on board, 11 were Nokia employees.)

You can imagine the chaos at Heathrow. The Nokia posse had to un-check their bags and trek all the way across town to Liverpool Street Station, where they were scheduled to board the Stansted Express for take two of the flight.

Then, as if there wasn’t already enough to whinge and moan about, a bomb scare and ensuing emergency evacuation sent the Nokia posse packing, yet again.

Given the all clear, the now heavily disgruntled group eventually arrived at Stansted, where Nokia had hired two private jets at a cost of £30,000. Let’s hope Simon Ainslie’s credit card could foot the bill this time.

The happy campers reached the ski resort at 4am the next day and were up at 8am to hit the slopes. Tune in next time for the story of the trip home.

Who do U think UR Tony?

Former British PM Tony Blair was one of the most recognised men on the planet in his day. So you can imagine his shock when he wasn’t recognised the day he stepped out of the limelight.

Blair recently told a conference organised by France’s ruling UMP party in Paris that he is pretty much a mobile phone virgin.

“When I lived in Downing Street, I never had one. I got my first mobile the day I left,” he said.

“I sent an SMS to a friend, but given my lack of technological knowledge, I didn’t realise the telephone hadn’t identified me as the sender. I got an SMS back saying: “But sorry, who are you?”

Oh dear Tone. Where have you been for the last 18 years? You were leader of our country and didn’t own a mobile, never mind know how to use one? How did you ever let Cherie know that you were going to be late for dinner?

O2 staff kept in the dark (ages)

Who is the senior O2 press officer sometimes responds to emails with the following auto reply: “I am out of the office on [insert date] with no access to email.” Someone get the poor chap a BlackBerry, or even an iPhone; it doesn’t look good.