BackSlap – Issue 409


It’s been a while since we’ve had any entrants for “Thicko Criminal of the Year”.

So how about the courier who delivered a parcel to AMT Telecom in Denham and helped himself to a phone lying on one of the desks.

Regrettably this particular handset belonged to the managing director of location products company Blue Tree Services and was loaded with an application called ‘KoolTrax Ranger’ that allows the phone’s location to be tracked with four-metre accuracy from a PC. Which it was.

The security staff gave chase to their departing delivery van. “Have I forgotten a parcel?” asked the nimble-fingered driver. “No, you’ve stolen our mobile.”
The phone was handed over without a fuss.

Run that by me again

Behind every great man there stands, (so they say) a great woman. Not necessarily in the case of Mark Mitchinson.

The Samsung man was hosting a gala dinner at the Bluebell restaurant in Chelsea to drum up dosh for his London Marathon Run in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust.

When the point in the evening came where the marathon man got up to thank Mrs Mitch for all her support, the lady had vanished for a nose-powdering pit stop.

Meanwhile a goodly sum of money was raised through the charity auction, hosted by Sky Sports presenter Richard Keys (who spent most of the time telling a boisterous audience to keep quiet).

Meanwhile you can still donate to Mitchinson’s run. Whip out the plastic and head over to

Promote safe text

Ex-O2 press chief William Ostrom is now in charge of corporate communications at directory enquiry service 118 118 and has been feeding the tabloids just the sort of rubbish they love.

The Daily Star lapped up 118 118’s luverly bit of nonsense that “six million Brits were injured while texting and using their mobiles” by walking into inanimate objects.

118 118 is run by Chris Moss, the marketing genius behind the original Orange ‘the Future’s Bright’ campaign. Good to see his eye for a mad PR stunt hasn’t left him – 118 118 has apparently designed ‘safe text’ pads to be attached to lamp posts in ‘text accident black spots’.

Text accident black spots’? You couldn’t make this stuff up.

A Legendary fee

We know he’s not part of our world any more, but Backslap can’t resist following the exploits of our favourite billionaire John Caudwell.

Especially when he has reportedly agreed to pay ‘tired and emotional’ diva Whitney Houston £1.7 million to warble for an hour at the forthcoming Caudwell ‘Legends’ Charity Ball. And that’s not counting the gazillion rooms at The Dorchester she’s demanding for her entourage.

Maybe you do really need a veteran of drug, rehab and spousal abuse to get the rich folks to fork out legendary prices for the various promotion opportunities (£400,000 main headline sponsorship, £150,000 washroom ads, £30,000 dinner menu, £50,000 host sashes etc).

Let’s hope Whitney is still taking her medication and that there will be no need for the Ball organisers to have to utter the immortal line, “Houston. Do you have a problem?”